Staying at home

During this journey of motherhood I have often had the despairing cry thought, "Why didn't anyone tell me this ahead of time?!"

Have you even been there?

We all have grand expectations of what life will be when.  When the kids get a little older and can feed themselves, when I don't have to change diapers anymore, when my baby sleeps through the night.  I had grand expectations regarding when I became a stay at home mom.

Through the lens of my when, I saw a bliss to not going into work every day.  I anticipated the joy I would feel being with my child all day long, loving her and nurturing her.  I could not wait to have a spotless house (as I would have plenty of time to clean and keep it neat, of course).

So when my little bundle of joy arrived, I struggled through the question, "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!?!"

Young Mom, maybe you have achieved all that I just described, and life as a stay at home mom is a beautiful and satisfying experience.  I rejoice with you in that.  But, maybe your experience has been more like mine...and I empathize with you.  Or, maybe you are a working momma and you long for the greener grass on the other side.  I understand.  And I must confess, there have been many days that I looked at the mother who works and felt that grass was much greener.

When my baby girl arrived, it didn't take long to realize that my expectations would be crashing down around me.  I didn't anticipate that being needed all day (and night) long would be so draining. Quickly I learned that nursing was no easy task, and while friends struggled with not having enough milk, I found that there was also a struggle when your body overproduces it.  So even nurturing my child through nursing was a struggle.

And that clean house?  Who has time to clean when you are exhausted and needed constantly...

Of course, in those first few months I still held onto the hope of a clean house when the baby gets older.  Only it never occurred to me that as she gets older, she gets mobile.  Oh, and she also gets a little tornado-like, yanking things out of baskets, down from end-tables, out of cupboards and drawers.  And needs to be watched like a hawk.  All. Day. Long.  

I am here to tell you, sweet young mom, that motherhood isn't going to be what you expect.  But God can use even your disappointment to draw you closer to himself.  (There is much therapy in crying out to Him in despair at 2 AM when your child won't go to sleep) And you can take heart in knowing that, even though it might not be as you expected, it is good.  God promises us that children are a gift in Psalm 127:3 "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord.  The fruit of the womb is a reward."  Rest in that promise.