On housekeeping

If you are like me, just the very word, "housekeeping" is enough to make your whole body twitch.

I came into marriage as a terrible housekeeper, despite the fact that I was the oldest of 5 kids and my mom gave me plenty of lessons and practice.  Nevertheless, I am not detail-oriented, don't like hard work, and can think of many other ways to spend my time (such as blogging).

It seems to me the cultural pendulum has shifted from the perfectionistic, pristine, pretty-little-housewife-keeping-her-home-lovely model of the 1950's to something quite the opposite now.  Viewing that former model as a type of bondage, or at the very least a vague form of legalism, many women today choose to just throw up their hands, give up, and admit -- with pride -- that our homes are a-shambles.

But surely there is a middle ground to be found...  a delight in creating a home for one's family that is at least moderately neat and organized?  A turning point came for me several years ago when I was reading the book Eight Cousins by Louisa May Alcott (author who wrote Little Women, etc.).

The main character, a 14-year old girl named Rose, was telling her uncle, Alec, that she wanted to develop a "trade" to help support herself when she became an adult.  And this is their dialogue:

(Alec is speaking) "Well, now, there is one very excellent, necessary, and womanly accomplishment that no girl should be without, for it is a help to rich and poor, and the comfort of families depends upon it.... It should be a part of every girl's education..."

 "Oh, what is it?" cried Rose eagerly, charmed to be met in this helpful and cordial way.

"Housekeeping!"

"Is that an accomplishment?" asked Rose, while her face fell, for she had indulged in all sorts of vague, delightful daydreams.

"Yes, it is one of the most beautiful as well as useful of all the arts a woman can learn.  Not so romantic, perhaps, as singing, painting, writing, or teaching, etc, but one that makes many people happy and comfortable, and home the sweetest place in the world.  Yes, you may open your big eyes, but it is a fact that I had rather see you a good housekeeper than the greatest belle in the city.  It need not interfere with any talent you may possess, but it is a necessary part of your training, and I hope you will set about it at once..."

Isn't that a lovely goal - -to make your "home the sweetest place in the world?" Over the years I have learned to develop some housekeeping skills, and have even found joy in making my home sweet.   The battle will always be there, but now I know it's worth fighting!

The battle of fairness

While much of our childhood memories fade as we grow into adulthood, I'm sure we all have moments we remember of feeling like our parents were being unfair.  Particularly if you have siblings and you felt they were being treated differently (namely better!) than you.

I definitely have memories like that, and my 13 year-old self decided I would be completely equitable in child-rearing when I was a mother.  I didn't want my kids to feel the same way I had.

So what I never saw coming as a parent was needing to treat each of my children differently in how they are talked with, loved, and disciplined.  Yes, I said needing.  My childhood self wanted everything fair but didn't have enough foresight to realize that fairness takes on unique qualities when you are talking about different people, different personalities and different levels of stubbornness.  ;-)

My first child was into EVERYTHING!  And she didn't like to listen.  As new parents, we were armed with ideals of disciplining.  We were going to do things one way and that was going to work. Except it didn't.

Time-outs?  Worthless.  A little smack on the hand?  That drew a smile and an immediate return to the unwanted behavior.  Using a sharp tone of voice?  Nope.  She didn't even notice the change.  Putting her in the corner?  That worked for a day.  I was elated to find something that was hitting home...until the next day when said child asked to be put in the corner because it was fun. Rats!  After trial and error, trial and error, trial and error, we discovered a few things that worked (like taking away her most favorite treats/foods), but discipline with this little one was no easy task.

Along came child #2.  I figured we were golden.  We know what works with our kids now and life will be so much easier this time.  Except it wasn't.

Removing favorite foods/treats?  Didn't faze him - he couldn't have cared less.  But changing the tone of my voice?  Immediately got his attention and stopped him in his tracks.  Wait, what?!?

It was then that I realized I must learn to "speak the language" that each of my children will understand.  And that language was different for one than it was for the other.

This applies to not only discipline, but also to relating to them and loving them well.  If I want to spend time with my daughter I know that taking her out for ice cream or talking about books is the way to go.  But my son?  Time playing Mario Kart or 4-square is right up his alley.

As my kids have gotten older I have seen more and more clearly that fairness/equitability doesn't necessarily mean that you do the same thing for each child.  It means that you take the uniqueness of your children into account and go from there.

When you feel like you're getting nothing done

Dear Young Mom,

Do you have those days when you feel like everything you do is just getting undone?  And you've made no progress on anything by the end of the day -- in fact, you feel like you've lost ground?

Believe me, I can relate. Really, I can.

The house may look like a wreck, but let me encourage you that you are doing something very significant.

The story of Hannah in the Bible gets my heart every time.  She grieves when she can't have children, rejoices when she finally does -- and then leaves her precious baby at the doorstep of a priest (who didn't have the best record in raising his own children!).  Every year, though, she brings little Samuel a little robe that she has stitched for him.

In order to make this robe each year, she had to know what size he was.  She probably pictured his little body the whole time she was making it, no doubt praying for him with each stitch.

And this is us, mothers.  Fathers are wonderful creatures, and play such an important role in our children's lives.  But it's the mothers who know their exact sizes, who know them intimately enough to make them little robes.  (This is figurative in my case because my sewing skills are abysmal!)

So, yes, it may feel like we aren't doing anything.... but we are.  We're pouring into these precious lives, and unlike Hannah, we get to actually be with them while we do it.  Tonight when you go to bed, don't think about the state of your house, the piles of unfolded laundry or the dishes in the sink, but remember that the little one you put to bed is just slightly bigger than he was when he woke up this morning.... and your heart probably is, too.

Teaching your children God's Word

We all want our children to grow up in the knowledge of God, and to know God's Word as much as possible.  As mothers we have the opportunity to saturate their hearts with His Word day in and day out.  For me though, it has taken a little effort to establish some routines and rhythms that move toward this.

Deuteronomy 6 gives us some ideas for how to do this!

4Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^a 5Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7Impress them on your children... 

 First, we need to make sure we are attempting to love the Lord with all our heart, soul and strength, and keeping His commandment on our own hearts.  Out of the overflow of our hearts, we will be able to teach our kids. To remind myself about God's truth I have tried different things over the years, including printing out verses and taping them up in various places around the house where I will be sure to look -- like the bathroom mirror, my nightstand, or even the refrigerator! (Yes, I look at that a lot.)  Even just reading the verses aloud as you notice them can begin to get the word in your heart, and your babies' hearts.

Talk about them when you sit at home...

Intentional Bible memorization and meditation can begin pretty early on in a child's life.  As soon as my oldest began to talk I came up with a list of my favorite verses that I wanted him to memorize. Then I stuck it on the side of the fridge (that fridge again -- the heart of our home!).  Slowly we began to work down the list, and years later, I still refer to it with my younger children as well.

 and when you walk along the road...

Going for walks, or going for drives to run errands are great times for reviewing God's word.  Since the activities are rather mindless, it can become a good time for meditation as well, repeating the same phrases over and over.  (And what toddler doesn't love to do that?!)   Driving in the car would also be ideal for listening to verses set to music on CD (or iTunes).... but our van never had a working CD player, so we had to resort to reciting or singing ourselves.

 when you lie down.... 

Most nights, by the time bedtime rolls around I am ready to just plop everyone in their beds and turn out the lights. (I have always been amazed by parents who have the long bedtime routine!)  However, I do like to take the time to at least pray over the kids, and possibly sing a song or two.  This is a great time to work in God's Word as well.  This past year I put up some "bedtime" scriptures on the walls above the kids' beds, and then would read them each night as I prayed for them.  The repetition helped all of us memorize the verses, without even really trying!

Here is one of our favorites:

and when you get up....

 Just as I am not a "bedtime routine person," I am also not particularly a "morning person," -- my poor family.  Still, it is nice to have at least one thought or verse to repeat as part of an initial greeting of the day.  Something like this, perhaps:

 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads...

Now this part of Deuteronomy 6 gets a little interesting!  While I have never followed this literally, I can see the benefit of physically needing God's Word on or around our bodies.  If we don't keep Him before our eyes, there are plenty of other things in this world that our eyes will stay trained upon!

Creative adaptation is in order here.  One habit I know a few of my friends do is to write a particular key word from their morning Bible reading on their hand, so they will glance down and see it each day.  Or maybe you could write the key word on the forehead of your child, where you will be sure to see it all day.  :)

9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates...

Again, some creativity may be in order here.  Jews in the past took this quite literally and made little mezuzah (meaning door) boxes that they attached to the doorframes.  These had God's commandments written inside them.  We have tried to modify this concept over the years.  Inside the foyer of our home we have a wooden box where there are various little verses.  When we think of it (which isn't very often, I'm afraid!), we encourage visitors to take a verse as they're leaving, as a blessing.  

Today, of course, there are all kinds of beautiful pieces of art that incorporate God's Word, and that is another way to keep the Truth central in your home.

The gist of Deuteronomy 6 seems to be that we should have God's Word in and around us as much as possible, talking about it as much as possible, and learning to love Him as much as possible.  Adding in a few of these routines can help to work toward those goals!

(If anyone would like the lists of verses we use in our home/patterns, feel free to contact me and I can share them with you!)

An introduction

Dear Moms of Littles,

Allow us to introduce ourselves.  We are the self-styled “Moms of Middles” (we’re not ready to call ourselves “Older Moms” just yet!), and we have been praying for you and about you.  Specifically, we are a group of moms whose kids are “middles” -- still at home and needing us but out of diapers and able to shower themselves and make their own PB&J sandwiches.  While we certainly face our own set of challenges with this stage of our lives, we all clearly remember the reality of mothering “littles” – the diapering, the nursing, the bedtime battles, and the occasional temper tantrum.  And, not being so far removed from all that, our hearts are with you

We’ve been talking and praying among ourselves about how we might best come alongside you and encourage you as we are commanded in Titus 2.  One of the things that came to mind was a blog.  We remember longing for validation that someone understood the trials and joys we were going through on a daily basis, and we "Moms of Middles" hope to communicate that clearly to you in many ways through this blog.

As we Moms of Middles walk down memory lane, please know that we strive to be honest with you.  Honest in the emotions, the struggles we encountered, the heartaches of motherhood, as well as the joys, the laughs, the triumphs, the A-ha moments and the things we know now that we wish someone had told us before.

We look forward to this journey with you!